I have a lot on my mind today, tomorrow Zachariah should be celebrating his first birthday with a party with all his friends and family around him. We will still be celebrating his life but just not with him here. As we have been approaching this week we have had some obstacles and challenges to overcome - one in particular seemed all to familiar. Last week my oldest boy Brock developed an infection that oral antibiotics would not kill - He ended being admitted to the hospital and put on IV meds - but not just any kind a last resort kind - The Dr.s would say They need The Big Guns - for a sensitive infection - The part that was hard about facing the hospital with an infection with my son was that last year I was in the hospital with my youngest son who died from a sensitive infection which the big guns did not work. Don't get me wrong I was never afraid of loosing Brock, Just the fact that I was getting ready to go to the Janeway and celebrate Zachariah's birth and Brock was sick with the same type of infection was a little hard for me. But we made it through the week, Brock is recovering now at home and I just got back from the Janeway in St.John's. The gifts were received wonderfully and I got to have an amazing time with the nurses whom I love and think of highly. I also got to meet a precious baby girl and a mom who has been there for 3 months - I felt so blessed when I was able to bless her with a gift and give her a big Hug reminding her she is not alone then to talk to her sweet girl - what an amazing unforgettable moment! Zachariah's plaque is now being hung on a wall in the NICU and parents are being touched by every ones generosity with their gifts. Thank you to everyone who helped make that a very special day!
Tomorrow is quickly approaching, and all the thoughts have been going through my mind - Would we have been having his birthday in the hospital? What would he look like now? Would he be happy all the time and smiling? What kind of cake would have we made him? Would I still be overprotective of him even though he was turning one? It's hard not to wonder what it would of been like to have him here with us. I can hardly believe a year has gone by already. I am sure more emotions and mixed feeling will come out tomorrow but I am really trying to focus on his life, they joy he brought to me and Darryl and all the Nurses and Dr.s. This is very much easier to say and harder to do, but with God's help I will make it through this next journey. Tomorrow I will stand at Zachariah's grave with some family and a few friends and send off balloons to heaven for Zachariah - I will blog after tomorrow so please keep me in your prayers As I face this very difficult day :) I feel so blessed that there are so many people who love my little angel Zachariah Isaac Drover.