It has been 16 months since my angel Zachariah went to heaven and 4 months since my Mom has gone to be with Jesus. It feels like time is drifting away and I find myself grasping onto memories, holding on so tight to not forget the two people who I love so much. Zachariah my sweet precious baby and My Mom who has been my best friend and inspiration my whole life. Life without them hurts but I have been learning to live with this pain. With God's help I have learned how to keep going and push forward without having to forget about my two angels. I am more broken, more sensitive, more forgiving, more compassionate, I find myself more willing to give of myself. I have seen the broken world in a new way, in a way that makes me want to see change, to wipe tears, and give hope to those who can't see past tomorrow. It hurts everyday to have lost, but with God by my side I can have peace, comfort and compassion. Because of God I now have a stronger desire for the lost and hurting and dying world.
I don't just believe with my mind, but now with my heart, God can work all things out for the good. I want to be there for people, for my community, for the oppressed, for the imprisoned, for the drunks and prostitutes, for the girl who's husband just beat her or Mom who's child just died, the teenager who is addicted to meth and the young girl who just got pregnant and kicked out. People are hurting and they are our neighbours. My heart hurts for the lost, My prayers are for the peace of God to rain over their lives, for the comfort and compassion of Christ to visit their homes and that I would be used to help this hurting and dying world. I am sick of being complacent, life is to short, bad things are always going to happen and I want to be a light in this dark world. Jesus Saves and can deliver from any depression or addiction. I want to be used, I want to be an example and bare good fruits. I want my Mom or Zach's lives to be instilled in me as an example of true faith and miracles.
My heart breaks for my loss, but my love grows stronger everyday for this world, because of my loss.