I have not Blogged in a while, I have been very exhausted mentally and physically, which is why I did not blog and is also why I need to blog. The weight of the world is so heavy sometimes it feels like there is nothing left in you to give. This is the time we need to rest in God's arms, be still and quiet, listen to his still small voice. This is the place I am in now, I don't desire to be out with large crowds or to be taking over any ministries, I am in a season of rest. I need to be fed, my tank needs to be filled up again and until that happens, I rest in Him. This is not to say I don't help or care ( i could never stop doing that ) What it does mean is that if It is not a needed task then I say not right now. God is showing me a new place in my walk with him, a place where i can take refuge and shelter from life's storms. Feel peace and comfort, know that everything is in God's hands and he knows the future. Right now being so tired and worn down I need this stillness inside me so that I can pray for God's strength and a daily reminder that he holds our futures in his hands. When I start to feel anxious and start to wonder if God is really here, I remember when I felt his touch. I had just arrived to St.John's via Air Ambulance my Water had broke and they were not sure if they would stop my labour from coming. I remember lying in a bed all alone at the Janeway, the nurses coming and going .. monitors going off everywhere, nurses sticking needles in me and checking my vitals and baby Zach's heart beat, while still safely in my tummy. I remember thinking I should feel worried, scared, alone, I cried out to Jesus and asked for strength. All of a sudden as if there where hundreds of prayers going out, I felt this huge wave of peace come over my body, started at my head right down to my toes. This overwhelming presences took away all fears and loneliness, I new Jesus was holding me, carrying me and was not going to drop me. My Daddy was there and I felt him, He took me as his precious child and covered me with his blessings. I remind myself that even though I can't feel him like that all the time, it does not mean that he is not with me, holding me, caring for me, loving on me, I am still his precious child and he will never leave or forsake me.
I have been having these memories come back to me about the Janeway some vivid and some very clear, I believe this is all part of healing and growing. Remembering so I don't forget that Jesus never left my side.