Wednesday, August 31, 2011
Mom has had a rough couple day, while they where able to get control of her pain and symptoms she is battling anxiety and restlessness today, something that she has no control over happening. Her mind and body are fighting against her and this causes a very bad reaction. I feel restless today as well, I want to help her so much, in the physical I want to take away this battle for her. I keep crying out to God for her peace and comfort of her body, mind and spirit. It is a battle to watch your loved one suffer so much, it is so hard to truly give everyday to God and allow him to take control. especially when your body and mind are fighting against all notions that everything will be OK. In the natural everything is not OK, but it is getting into that spiritual place where you throw up your hands and give up everything to God. I am having a day because mom is having a day and I can't fix it in the natural - but days like today I also get stronger because I am forced to relay on God even more, I am forced to trust Him that he has everything under control, I am forced to give up and let God take control of my thoughts and actions. If I don't do this than I will fall apart on my own strength and Mom will fall apart on her own strength. This doesn't make things easy, it just brings peace and Grace and a better understanding, His understanding.
Thursday, August 25, 2011
I have had a really rough summer yet again another giant to face, with a very Big God to help me face it. But this time it is not my Giant, It is my Mom's Giant and I am along for the ride. I have not put my feelings and emotions out here for that reason that this is her story and battle as the one who is battling Cancer. I am the Daughter who has sacrificed her family and summer for the amazing chance of helping someone who I love. There has been a lot of stress and frustration and confusion around me but God has given he this overwhelming sense of peace and comfort - I have no fear or frustration - Again, just as with Zachariah, I know that My God is with my Mom and will never leave her. I know he has a plan and a will for her life and at the end of the day that is all that will matter. I will praise him if she is healed and I will praise him if she goes home to Jesus - I Trust that He Knows what is best. I am growing in faith so rapidly, and my understanding of spiritual things are becoming so much more clear. I believe that we all have individual journeys and all are unique and we need to be careful that we do not live off of someone else's story, and that we go to God for guidance, peace and understanding for our own journey. Just because God decided to take Zachariah doesn't mean he will take the next baby. or just because God Heals one person doesn't mean he will heal the next. Only God knows the reason to all these situations but I do know that God can give you peace and comfort through any situation no matter how hard it is. If you feel anxious, frustrated, angry, or you find yourself blaming others for everything bad that happens - Humble yourself and look at your own heart, go to God and he will bring you peace and take you through your circumstance one day at a time, One moment at a time. You are only responsible for your own actions and thoughts. Please continue to pray for my family, I have no idea what God has in store for my Mom, but I do know whatever he decides will be good.