What if I knew it was only 107 Days would I have done anything different? Would I have held him more? been at the hospital day and night? If I knew this precious gift was only going to be lent to me for 107 days would I have felt any different about him?
It was the worst pain I had ever felt in my life, the feeling as if my cervix was being tore out and this sensation followed after the normal cramping and back labour I had experienced with my last 2 pregnancies. But this was so much worse, physically, emotionally, and mentally, I was to early to be in labour and even with my cervix double stitched shut my body had full intentions of carry out child birth even without an opening. All alone and with Darryl racing to St.John's, this intense torture carried on for six hours. Darryl arrived just in time for them to bring me in for emergency C Section. Could a baby at 24 weeks survive? They told me girls were stronger, had a much better chance at survival, I remember praying for that girl, praying for that strong baby to hold and love. It seemed like an eternity for them to get the baby, wondering if he would survive, then they said it's a boy! My heart sank - not that i don't love boys - Brock has been such a treasure - I just wanted the best odds. But that is how faith building works, you need no odds and no hope to put all your hope and faith in God, sometimes that is what it takes. They took him out so fast and started counting 1 2 3 4 5 1 2 3 4 5 after they counted a few times they said OK MOVE HIM NOW and started to try to open his lungs. I barley got a chance to see him, he was so tiny and fragile, my little boy, I didn't know it at the time but he was going to become my hero.
The Doctors worked on him for 2 hours to open his lungs and where successful only to tell Darryl he did not have much chance to survive past midnight. The next morning we took our first trip down to the NICU and there was my precious, sweet, strong baby boy, weighing just under 1 lb and about as long as a ruler. He was full of tubes and wires and machines most of which I had seen before from my other two babies being in the NICU. I was so afraid to touch him at first, afraid of germs and hurting his little body. It did not take long at all before I was being his mom, changing his bum, wiping his face, giving him his soother and of course having my cuddles. He was my boy and like any other baby just a lot smaller. He was my Zachariah Isaac Drover.
For 107 Days I was given this precious gift to love and cherish and take care of. For 107 Days he was given to me to teach me about sacrifice, true love, compassion, Faith, Prayer, truly seeking God's face, Trusting, Believing, putting God in control of my whole life. In some ways I would say for that 107 that Baby Zach was given to me by God to save my life, my marriage, my family. You may think that through all this statistics say that those 107 days should of wrecked my life. But because I learned to put my whole life in God's hands and trust him through every situation, to really know that God really will never leave me and always see me through with peace. That is why God allowed me to have baby Zach for 107, one of his purposes was to save my life, to help me grow in faith and by braking me so much that I had to become so much stronger in Christ. Baby Zach Became My Hero!
One Year ago on November 3, 2011 Baby Zach at 107 Days old was placed in my arms while his Dad held his hand, He took his last breath and His heart slowly stopped. One Year ago I sat in a chair holding my precious son, while the tears streamed down my face it felt as if I passed him up to Jesus. I had to give him back to his maker. Our children really are gifts from God, given to us to take care of for him. Baby Zach may have only lived on this earth for 107 Days but he was a great testimony of God's amazing faith and miraculous power. No baby weighing less then a pound should survive 1 day and We got to enjoy him for 107 Days. I will always Love him with all my heart, Always miss him, Never forget how wonderful he was, and Always be thankful for being allowed to have him for almost 4 months. I will meet him again one day in heaven, until that day I will continue to seek God in every circumstance and every situation with more integrity then I ever have.
I LOVE YOU BABY ZACH MY SON MY HERO