Closure?

I am writing tonight because for the first time in a while I needed to cry out to God for help.  I started to feel as if I was facing my emotional Giant and was forgetting that I am not alone in this battle.  It happened right after Darryl and I saw and Ordered Zachariah's headstone.  At first I was very surprised how I took it so well at the funeral home looking at the picture of the headstone, no emotions, no specific thoughts just something we needed to get done.  But, then when I got home I had an overwhelming feeling of exhaustion, and a pressure in the front of my head, as if a big weight was hanging from my head.  I realized that I was trying to do things on my own once again, and the pressure of these final dealings with Zach's death where going to be hard.  As I sat here trying to over come these feelings of exhaustion and heaviness I remembered that I did not have to do this on my own, I do not have to try and be brave or super human, I just need to let God be in control.  I need to sit in a quiet place and listen to what God has for me, where he wants me to be and what he wants me to be doing.  Sit and remember that God's hand is on my life and he will bring me and my family peace that passes all understanding.   think about how true that statement is, the peace that God gives us is definitely not easy to understand sometimes.  Even I wonder how I have not had a breakdown, but I know that when I am weak he is strong!  He carries me over green pasture, he restores my soul!  We are not supposed to understand God's grace and power, and that is ok, I am happy that I can call upon Him and crawl into His arms and feel safe.  Know that he will take care of me, he will carry me when I can not walk anymore, he will restore my soul.  I love my baby boy Zachariah Isaac Drover with all my heart and God already knew what the future held before Zachariah was born and he already knew that I would need to be carried through these tough times. I will rejoice for knowing such a gracious, loving God who cares enough about me to love me and gives me hope and peace.  This spring Zach's Headstone will be placed into the ground and I will need to be carried once more, but that is what being a christian is about - knowing that he is my comforter and my strength as long as I allow Him to stay in control.  He will never leave me or forsake me, we will weep with me and strengthen me.  He is my Lord and my God and will not let me fall.

Happy Love Day!!!!

Happy Love Day to everyone!!!!  I really like Valentines Day, not for the gifts or commercial part of the holiday but as a reminder of Love, what it is and how we should show our Love.  It also made me think a lot about my precious Zachariah, and how much I am deeply in Love with him.  Although I feel sad about not being able to show him  how much I Love him, I know he knows how much I love him, looking down from Heaven.  When you have a love one in the hospital or very sick it doesn't matter if you pull back and protect yourself or if you where your heart on your sleeve (like I tend to do) when that person is there or passes away the Love you have for them is the same either way, it will come out and you will still feel the loss and sadness of not being able to express that love.  When you Love someone you can't really run from it or hide from it, it will always be there in the depths of your soul.  I have a real great Peace about my son Zach, that he is safe and happy, he is being loved and showing love to the one who created us.  We can only get a taste of what Zachariah is experiencing and that is only if we are open to God's love.  I wonder what it will be like to never have heartache or pain and feel such a deep Love.  I selfeshly want to hold my baby and kiss him and Love him.  But, When I think about how wonderful the life he has now I feel better, I feel good inside knowing where he is now waiting for his friends and family to come and be overtaken by Jesus's Love. 
I find my comfortableness and peace about Zach hard sometimes when talking with new people when they ask about my kids I want to go on and on about Zach as much as I do about Brock and Liv because I am so in Love with all 3 of them the same.  But it is hard for some people to understand how I am so comfortable talking about him, they don't know what to say or feel uncomfortable.  But I can't help it, when you Love someone so much you want to talk about them.  The same is when you Love God, When you find that deep Love, true Love you can't help but talk about him and think about him.  But Love is not true Love if you don't strive for the things in the verse below.  I want to strive for true love for my family, friends and everyone around me.  If there is no love nothing else matters.
Love is PATIENT, love is KIND. It does NOT ENVY, it does NOT BOAST, it is NOT PROUD. It is NOT RUDE, it is NOT SELF-SEEKING, it is NOT EASILY ANGERED, it keeps NO RECORDS OF WRONG. Love does NOT DELIGHT IN EVIL, but REJOICES with the TRUTH. It always PROTECTS, always TRUSTS, always HOPES, always PERSERVERS.
1 Corinthians 13:4-7